What You See is Sometimes Not What You Get

It was apparent that Sue, who is usually cooperative and open-minded, was upset about something. During the meeting, she drummed her fingers, scowled and questioned just about everything that her team leader suggested. When Joe disagreed with one of her project reports, she turned in her chair and shot him a look that could have melted the Titanic iceberg. When he persisted, she stood up, told him that she worked hard on the project and if he had problems with it, he could do it himself. Then, she scooped up her papers and laptop and left the room.

Sue was communicating a lot of things in that meeting. Each person who observed her would have had different interpretations. Some may not have thought a thing of it. Others probably thought she was out of line and over-reacted. Though she didn’t say much until she “snapped” just before exiting, she was exuding emotions throughout the meeting. Body language and facial expression stands in for silence as the great communicator, though what you may see is not really what is going on.

The economy and job uncertainty, pressure to perform and remain valuable to the company put a lot of stress on employees. Unfortunately, most of us hold in our emotions like Sue, until we reach a tipping point and they come out in inappropriate ways. People can understand if they know you are under stress, so the best thing to do is to communicate your situation while sparing your co-workers the details. Spilling your guts with all the specifics can serve to make others more uncomfortable. Here is a middle-ground approach to communicating while respecting boundaries:

1. “I’m a bit under the weather. “ Spare the specifics of your all night rounds of coughing, wheezing and the like. No one needs to know how many trips to the bathroom during the night or how many boxes of Kleenex you went through.
2. “There are some family issues I’m dealing with.” Again, spare the story of your mother’s gall bladder operation or your sister’s divorce (or yours).
3. “We’re cutting back this year on expenses.” You don’t have to go into the full story of how your husband’s ungrateful company let him go, or you just spent your paycheck playing the lottery. In this economy, lots of people are trying to make it from paycheck to paycheck, so don’t feel obligated to contribute to every cause or go out to lunch with the gang on Fridays.

Being up front or apologizing with a simple explanation, will help make co-workers understand your behavior under stress and know better how to work with you during those times. Respect their privacy and boundaries for a more comfortable, open workplace.


Mary Nestor-Harper, SPHR, is a freelance writer, blogger, and workplace consultant. Based in Savannah, GA, her work has appeared in "Training" magazine, "Training & Development" magazine, "Supervision," "Pulse" and "The Savannah Morning News." You can read her blogs at www.skirt.com/savannahchick, www.workingsmartworks.blogspot.com/ and on the web at www.mjnhconsulting.com.